I hate holidays

Why do I hate holidays? The answer may surprise you, or it may not. Perhaps you can even relate, and if you can, then feel free to comment. Would be nice to know I’m not alone.

You may have already begun to notice, but I’m heading in a different style direction with this post. See, usually I go for a semi-personal slant on most things and save my completely raw, up-close-and-personal blurbs for my facebook page (which has barely 100 connections, all of whom are actually people I can trace back to a real origin in my life). Today, it’s the Saturday after Good Friday and before Easter Sunday. I’m home, enjoying a cup of tea and lots of YouTube (seriously, check out @youtwotvThey are ADORABLE).

What about tomorrow though? Well, I’ll be doing the same thing I’ve done every Easter for the past ….hm! 5 YEARS. And that is? 1) WORK and 2) eat an entire tub of neapolitan ice cream by… my…lonesome. This blog post is decidedly a bit bitter, yes, and for that I do apologize up front. But sometimes, a girl’s gotta be real and tell it like it is.

For the 5th year in a row, I’m going to spend yes another holiday feeling sad, lonely, and like I really had nowhere better to be than work. Why? Well due to [insert family history of pointless drama between everybody] and my parents being the black sheep couple that nobody wants at their house, I don’t have any family, immediate or extended to spend Easter (or any other f*cking holiday, for that matter) with. Now, for those of you who have too much overly loving family, well, I can imagine this is hard for you to fathom.

But pause for a moment.

Imagine what watch night (New Year’s Eve) would be like if you didn’t have your family to ring in the new year with. Not because they are dead or missing or anything, but because they simply … oh, I don’t know. Don’t care? Maybe? Not even sure. And before you say, “Oh I’d have my friends” ….ah, remember that most of them would probably be off with their families, so….no…you’d end up like me.

Oh what about Easter and Christmas? Well, I have had the very unpleasant experience of either being blown off entirely by former boyfriends who weren’t “ready” to bring me along to be with their families for such special days, OR actually being brought along by them (so sweet!) only to actually get there and end up struggling the entire time not to reduce myself to a puddle of lonely tears, knowing that I’m the nomadic child with no abiding city. I’m the one who dreads the questions from the grandmas, and aunts, and moms and cousins about where my family are, and why I’m not celebrating Christmas/Easter/Chinese New Year/Kwanzaa/Hannukkah or whichever damn day it is with them.

People have always wondered why my favorite holiday is Halloween. No, not Valentine’s Day. My luck in finding romantic men is …well, let’s just say, lacking. (Mine is fine, so don’t get any ideas. I’m just saying …the romance department …Valentine’s Day …I’ve given up hope, so no. Not my favorite). Simple reason why I love Halloween: it’s the one holiday that does NOT emphasize big get-togethers /dinners with family. It’s a day that I can enjoy with one friend, two if I’m lucky, or even alone if I must. It’s fun, I get to dress up as the darkness that fills my soul, and stroll through the night free of judgement, for one day.

I actually get to enjoy that day. Rather than feel like I may as well be an orphan. Worse, I’m in a long distance relationship that is tough as nails as it is, and the least I wanted was a decent convo with the bf.

Not to be. I got a whole 10 minutes. Barely.

I feel very special. Now, of course, of course…there were legitimate excuses. Family coming from very far. Have to get up early to fry the fish, cook the rice, stir the peas and oh, roast the proverbial turkey for all I know, so that everything can be done early enough for everyone to laugh, live, eat and head home before it gets too late.

TRUST ME. I GET IT.

I’m not that much of a dick.

Still doesn’t prevent the stinging feeling in my chest, knowing that tomorrow will be just like every other god-forsaken work day for me, since, you know, as the bible says…

‘…the sins of the parents shall be felt, even unto the third and fourth generations…’

So I guess even my grandkids will be left out of all the grandparent/uncle/aunt/cousin get -togethers too, eh? Cause we gotta be punished for whatever beef all the parents and grandparents got going.

Somebody out there must know what I’m talking about. I wanna hear your story. The story of millenials who DON’T have even a semblance of a decent family life. Who have a handful (or fewer) friends who they know better than they know their own cousins. Who could probably pass a family member in the mall and not recognize them because it’s been years …a decade maybe… since you’ve heard a peep from them. Millenials who DO have parents and siblings yes, but dread the very thought of going home as there will be nothing remotely resembling joy or celebration going on there, and will actually be like any other day in the miserable life you left behind THE DAY YOU MOVED OUT.

So yeah, I could go on, but now I’m hungry despite going through a whole carton of Chinese food (trust me, it usually takes 2-3 days for me to finish one of those), a bowl of cereal, and a pack of chewy Lifesavers (wayyy better than the hard kinds, I’m telling ya’). I also gotta pee, because I had 6 500ml bottles of water in less than 2 hours to make up for the impressive amount of crying I’ve done today.

Welcome to a peak into my not-so-perfect life. 🙂

Tomorrow I’ll be back with another beauty review (LIPSTICK, YAY!) and also a TV show review on Atlanta …which I hated at first, but I seriously can’t stop watching.

I’m purposefully not commenting on Riverdale because…I think I may need to do an entire blog series on that.

Anyway y’all. I think I have a few tears left. I need to get them out of my eyes before work tomorrow. You know the rule: don’t bring personal shit to work, kids.

Night x

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